Mars Bar

One fine day you are walking along enjoying the blue sky and the soft breeze. The sun is shining, dogs are barking, sprinklers are sprinkling. You have a candy bar in your hand which you chew on happily. In short, life is good.

And as you are walking, you spot something on the sidewalk in front of you. Cautiously you approach. Oh, wow, it's another candy bar! And it hasn't been opened.

You look around to see if anyone dropped this candy bar and is coming back for it. Seeing no one, you excitedly pick it up. But before your exclamation of joy fully escapes your lips: Wham-POW!

You are standing in a dark, cold room. You are only mildly concerned until you take your first breath. There is no air.

You panic.

The candy bars drop from your trembling fingers as you pull out your trusty Zippo. A flame sparks but won't ignite. Of course not, you think. Not without air. You curse their design flaw and lack of foresight.

But in the dull and desperate sparks you see them. Two creatures: large glossy shapes towering over you. Tentacles curl towards you. And the eyes, you'll never forget the eyes!

Madly you fling your useless lighter at them and turn, to run. All is black. You have no idea where or what is around you and before your brain can reason with your body about this, your head hits some low hanging equipment and sends you sprawling. As your extremities go numb you are faintly aware of blood trickling down your chin. Then tentacles slide over you and all is gone. You feel no more.

You have passed out.

Yes, you have just fallen prey to one of the oldest tricks in the book: bate humaning. Don't you feel foolish? You took the bate, line and sinker.

The hyper-dimensional aliens retrieve their bate, an innocent looking Mars bar, and reset their Dimensional Portal for their next catch. Bip'tixo, the smaller of the two aliens (and consequently the younger though that is not always the case) drags your body to yet another portal. Deftly his tentacles put in the coordinates for one of his favorite locales on earth. He hits the happy green button that you just know says 'On' even if you can't detect their odor based writing. He throws you through, then washes his tentacles twice and complains to his companion about how dry and rough you were. One tentacle itches his plaid covered stomach while another cracks open their version of a beer.

You come to and find a phone and call home immediately. You explain the above story first to your mom, then your dad, but they just won't believe it. They tell you to stop joking and be home for dinner by six.

Well, maybe they are right. You do have a very active imagination. But, if it didn't happen, you ponder as you stroll down the road, how in the world did you end up at a McDonald's in Amsterdam?

And, as you walk along the sidewalk puzzling it out, you pass a good Mars Bar on the ground. It’s unopened and looks fresh. You hesitate, but no, you're not hungry right now. Better not risk it...